No Matter What, You're Beautiful
by letschangetheworld
Summary: To shine is absolutely better than to reflect. Lily shines, even in her worst moments.


T for language. My first L/J. Oneshot. I don't anything but my utter love for James Potter.

* * *

She doesn't stop to think, _ever_. It's just not in her genetic make-up, at least not anymore. She acts on instinct. She doesn't overanalyze anything, nor does she stop to even consider the consequences of what's she's doing.

I am truly to blame. Lily wasn't always like this. She used to be so much more grounded and so much more focused on the rest of her life than living in the now, in the moment.

But as I have always predicted, she rolled over and finally gave me a chance at the beginning of our last year, this year. And then she seemed to change, which scared the hell out of me at first but I came to the conclusion that she hadn't necessarily changed, per se. Lily had just relaxed, let herself go, appreciated things more.

Sirius says we're eventually going to get married and start shooting out kids who will alternate between having fantastic Quidditch skills and owning a exceptionally power brain. I'm not saying I'm a retard but Lily trumps me in the genius category. She's too smart for her own good, really.

Ever since Lily started to relax, started to pull her hair out of that tight bun, started to loosen her tie and unbutton her blouse a little more (much to my delight).. well, let's just say I've been a teensy bit happier.

Have I mentioned she's beyond beautiful? Like, you-can't-believe-she's-_still_-with-you beautiful. Jaw-dropping, shockingly beautiful.

I always catch random guys in the hallways appreciating her form a little too much, but before my wrist even flicks towards my wand Lily's there, preventing me from storming over to kick some ass. She smiles reassuringly at me and quickly pecks me on the lips before she bounces off to her next class.

That redhead will eventually be the death of me. I can only handle so much of Lillian Paige Evans before I eventually collapse due to sheer.. love and adoration. But I'm addicted, I can't get enough. I always want more. If she leaves for a different class, I can't go ten minutes without starting a countdown until I see her again.

Sirius would kick me really hard in the balls if her ever heard that.

But sometimes a different Lily comes out. In certain situations and under certain circumstances and on random bad days, Lily's free spirit and relaxed nature disappears entirely. She's suddenly vulnerable to the world, quiet and reserved and not up to doing anything.

When the guys in the hallway elbow their friends and motion openly to her, she takes it. Something I truly hate. She's not yours, get your eyes off my fucking girlfriend. There's no bright smile that silently seems to tell me that _I'm all yours, don't worry_. No peck, just a _see you later, James_ before she wanders off.

They don't last long. A day at most, which I am unbelievably grateful for because then we can get back to having fun and I can get back to seeing her smile and making her giggle and stealing her away in between classes to go have a passionate make out in a broom closet. Lily thinks we should do our business somewhere a lot cleaner. I say screw it; let's be as dirty as the floor!

But when her dad died, Vulnerable Lily stayed for quite a while.

It was cancer, which apparently meant that death was inevitable. I'm not fresh on my knowledge of muggle diseases. Lily liked to pretend she was ready, liked to pretend that during the six months between being told and having him die she had built up a brick wall against the grief.

Stubborn little thing.

She locked herself up in her room for an entire Saturday, having no contact with her friends or me. I didn't even know what the heck was going on until Sunday, when Remus sadly handed me a letter Lily had received early Saturday morning.

_Lily, _

_Daddy passed away yesterday. I'm contacting your headmaster to see if you can be sent home for a day or two. _

_I love you,_

_Mom_

I remember waking up on Monday morning to Sirius lingering in the doorway. After pestering him for a good five minutes, he finally spilled the beans. Lily had left that morning. Without even talking to me about it. She hadn't even technically told me herself what had happened, I had to hear through Remus!

I won't lie. I was peeved until Wednesday, when she entered the Great Hall and made a beeline for me. Lily looked so weak, in such an evident state of heartbreak that my displeasure about being kept in the dark evaporated.

We skipped Thursday together and she wasn't even bothered by it.

She cried for quite a while, we talked and I simply held her close. She shared what it felt like, knowing she'd never see her Daddy again.

She asked me to never leave her.

Lily darling, I would imagine that it's quite impossible to leave you. You're stuck with me for life, whether or not you like it. Because I do happen to love you a lot.

She cried even more after that.

Things got back to normal eventually, but even months after her father's death I would catch her staring out into space.

_You okay?_

_Yeah_._ You'll make it better_. A cute little smile and she links her arm through mine, leaning into me. Merlin, do I love that girl.

_That's what I'm here for._


End file.
